17. Let's Run Away, To Vermont Or Whatever!

I went to meet Sally at the Biltmore Hotel. She looked really nice. She’s always goddam late though, but it‘s worth it when a girl looks so damn nice. We horsed around a little in the cab on the way down. I told her I loved her, obviously I didn’t mean it, but the funny thing was, I meant it when I said it.
We went in the theatre and sat down. After the first act we went out with all the other jerks for a cigarette. Sally saw this guy she thought she knew. He noticed her after a while and came over to say hello, he was from Andover. It really irritated me, they were flirting like mad. The goddam moron stayed with us the rest of the night.

Sally had an idea to go skating, but you could tell she was only it it to wear the little skating skirt. She kept walking in front so I could seen how good her butt looked in it, it did look damn good though, I have to admit. I started to rant about all the goddam phonies everywhere. Then all of a sudden I got this idea that me and Sally could run away together away from city and live in our own little hut in Vermont, and I could get a job when we ran out of money. I got really excited about it. But Sally didn’t like the idea, she said it wouldn’t work. I started to hate her. I didn’t mean to but I called her a "Royal pain in the arse", that really upset her and I apologised like a madman but she just wouldn’t listen. Boy did I regret saying that. Things were awkward so I give back my skates, put on my shoes and left.

16. I Like The Museum, Everything Stays The Same.

After breakfast, I went for a walk. I thought about how caring the nuns must be. I can’t imagine anyone I know being so generous and giving. I headed down Broadway to buy a record called “Little Shirley Beans” for Phoebe. I kinda like the record because, although it is for children, it is sung by a black girl who makes it sound proper and real, not cute. I thought about Phoebe, she is a wonderful girl, although she’s only ten, she always understands what I mean when I talk to her. You'd like her.

I saw an oblivious little boy walking in the street, singing, “If a body catch a body coming through the rye.” That really gave my a big bang. I was that happy that i decided to give Jane a buzz, but i put the phone down when her mother answered the phone. I bought some tickets to a show called 'I Know My Love', for mine and Sally's date. She'd just die when I told her it was The Lunts.

I wanted to see old Phoebe, so I went to look for her in the park because she often roller-skates there on Sundays. I met this little girl who knows Phoebe. At first, she told me that Phoebe was on a school trip to the Museum of Natural History, but then she remembered that the trip was on the Saturday. Even though Phoebe wouldn't be there I walked to the museum anyway. I remembered the class trips I used to go on there. The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. It just kinda freezes time, everytime you went in, all the exhibits would be the same, even the same birds would be hanging from the ceiling. The only thing that would have changed, is you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldn't be that, exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or the kid that was you partner in line last time had got scarlet fever and you'd have a new parter. Or you's have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Aigletinger. Or you'd heard you mother and father having a terrific fight in the bathroom. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way - I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not sure I'd feel like it.

When I got there though, I didn't feel much like going in, if Phoebe was there I probably would have, but she wasn't. So I just got a cab down to the Biltmore to meet Sally.

15. I Hate Cheap Suitcases!

The next day I called Old Sally Hayes and made a date for that afternoon at 2. I wasn’t all that crazy about her, she was sort of phoney. I signed out of that crappy hotel and put my bags in a locker at the station. I didn’t have that much money left. I’m a goddam spendthrift at heart. What I don’t spend, I lose. It drives my parents crazy. My dads a lawyer, so I can imagine he makes a lot. My mother hasn’t felt to well since Allie died, she gets very nervous. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t want her to know I got the axe again.

Anyway, I went and had a big breakfast, which is unusual for me. Whilst I was eating, two nuns came in with suitcases, I guessed they were moving to a different convent or something. They had those very cheap looking suitcases, the ones that aren’t genuine leather. I hate it when somebody has cheap suitcases. One of them dropped a straw basket, you know them ones that they collect donation in at Christmas time. I picked it up for her. They were only having toast and coffee for their breakfast, it depressed the hell out of me, seen as I had a huge breakfast.

I gave them ten bucks as a contribution to their collection, even though they told me they weren’t collecting yet. I told them to save it until they were. We talked about Romeo and Juliet because one of the nuns taught English. After a while they said they best be going. I felt so awful because I accidentally blew smoke in their faces as we were saying bye. I apologised like a madman. They were very understanding though. When they left I started to feel like I should have given them more of a contribution. Goddam money, it always ends up making you feel blue as hell.

14. Why Did I Say He Couldn't Come?

After she left, I just smoked a couple of cigarettes. It was getting light outside. You can’t imagine how depressed I was feeling. Sometimes, when I get depressed I think about Allie. Years ago, I told him to get his bike and meet me infront of this guy Bobby Fallon’s house. Once he heard me and Bobby talking about going to shoot some BB guns and he wanted to come. It wasn’t like I didn’t use to take him anywhere because I did. But that one day, I didn’t. That’s what I think about when I’m depressed.

The next thing I know the elevator guy, Maurice, the elevator guy, and Sunny burst through the door. Asking me to cough up the money I owed to Sunny. But when I wouldn’t hand it over, he smacked me. Boy did it hurt!

13. Five For A Throw!

I walked all the way back to the hotel. Forty one gorgeous blocks. I put on my hunting hat, god I wish I had my gloves me, it was goddam cold as hell. Some sonuvabitch stole them at Pencey, people were always stealing your stuff. I probably wouldn’t have done anything though, if I knew who had them, I’m yellow like that.

Anyway, I got in the elevator to go back up to my room, I didn’t feel much like hanging around in that goddam lobby. I felt so damn depressed, I almost wished I was dead, I really did. The elevator guy asked me if I was innerested in a good time. I didn’t know what the hell he was on about at first, then I realised he meant having a girl over for sex. He said it would cost me 5 bucks a throw and 15 till noon. I said ok, I don’t know why, I was so goddam depressed I didn’t think.

When I got to my room I got changed my clothes and brushed my teeth, I know I didn’t have to get dolled up for a prostitute, but it gave me something to do. A girl arrived, her name was Sunny and she only looked around my age, too young if you ask me. She seemed really nervous and kept jiggling her foot up and down. It made me feel sad as hell, I felt more depressed than sexy.The truth is I didn’t feel much like sleeping with Sunny, so I made up some crumby excuse about having an operation on my ‘clavichord’. That killed me. I gave her the 5 bucks and asked her to leave, she said it was 10, but I told her that the elevator guy said 5 for a throw. After a while she finally left.

12. Horwitz, Boy Was He Touchy!

I always get the sicky kind of cabs if I go anywhere late at night. It was so quiet. New York is terrible when someone laughs on the street at night, you can hear it for miles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. Me and the cab driver struck up a conversation. His name was Horwitz. I thought he might know about the ducks, so I asked him if he knew where they went in winter. He replied “How should I know a stupid thing like that?” He was sore about it or something. He was so damn touchy about it. He told me the fish stay right where they are in the lake, even when it’s frozen over, but I didn’t want to know about the fish. I thought about it, and said “They can’t just ignore the ice when it’s all frozen, they need food”. He said they take in nutrients through their bodies when they are frozen. He said it’s tougher for the fish in winter than the ducks. I let it drop, I was afraid he was going to crack the damn taxi up or something. Besides, he was such a touchy guy anyway.
I asked him if he wanted to come for a drink. He said he didn’t have any time. When I got out the cab he brought up the damn fish again. “If you were a fish Mother Nature wouldd take care of you, wouldn’t she? Right? The fish don’t just die when it gets to winter” He was so touchy that just about everything you said made him sore.

Ernie’s was really crowded; it was pretty quiet though because old Ernie was playing the piano. It was suppose to be something holy when Ernie played. Nobody’s that good. Whatever song he was playing he was really stinking it up. You should of heard the crowd though, when he finished. You would’ve puked. People always clap for the wrong things. It made me feel depressed and lousy again, I damn near got my coat and went back, but I didn’t much want to be alone. I ordered a scotch and soda. I started listening in on people conversations around me. There was a guy giving this girl a feel while telling her about someone who tried to commit suicide. That killed me.
This girl with very big knockers came up to me, “Holden Caulfield!” She had some Navy officer with her who looked like he had a poker up his ass. She asked me about D.B, my brother. She thought him being in Hollywood was a big deal. It drives me crazy though. I didn’t like her much, you had to feel sort of sorry for her. She went and me and the Navy guy told each other we were glad to have met. Which always kills me. I had no choice but to leave Ernie’s after I told her that I had to meet someone. It made me mad, though. People always ruin things for you.

11. Jane...Once Again!

On my way out of the lobby I got old Jane Gallagher on the brain again. I got her on, and I couldn't get her off. All I could think about was Stradlater sitting in that goddam Ed Banky's car, though I am pretty sure Stradlater hadn't given her the time. Every morning we used to play tennis and then golf nearly every afternoon. I got to know her quite intimately. Not physical or anything. You don't have to get physical to know a girl.
I met her all because of this Doberman Pinscher she used to have. Well every morning, it used to come over and relieve itself on our lawn. This really irritated my mother; she would make a big deal out of everything and called up Jane's mother to argue about it. Then what happened was I saw Jane laying on her stomach next to the swimming pool at the club so I said hello to her. She lived next door but we had never spoken until now. She gave me the big freeze that day, and it took me a helluva time trying to convince her that I didn't care where her goddam dog relieved himself. Anyway, after that Jane and I got to be friends and all. I played golf with her that same afternoon. I was a very good golfer.

She was a funny girl, old Jane. I wouldn't have described her as beautiful or anything, but she knocked me out. She was the only one outside my family that I had shown Allie's baseball mitt to, with all the poems written on it, she really liked to read poetry.My mother didn't like her too much. I mean my mother always thought Jane and her mother were sort of snubbing her or something when they didn't say hello. My mother didn't think Jane was pretty. I did, though. I just liked the way she looked, that's all.

I remember this one afternoon, I was over at her house playing checkers because it was raining outside and we were sat in her screened in porch. This was the only time me and Jane ever came close to necking. It was raining like hell outside, and all of a sudden this booze hound her mother was married too came out on the porch and asked Jane if there were any cigarettes in the house. I didn't know him too well, but he wasn't the sort of who would talk to you unless he wanted something off you. Jane ignored him so he burst back inside and Jane just sat there still, as if she was concentrating on the game, and all of a sudden, a tear plopped down onto the checkerboard. On one of the red squares, boy I can still see it, so what I did was I moved over to her side of the table and practically sat in her lap. That's when she really started to cry. And the next thing I knew, I was practically kissing her all over, everywhere, her eyes, her nose, her forehead, her eyebrows and all, her ears, her whole face except her mouth. She wouldn't let me get to her mouth. Anyway, it was the closest we ever got to necking. I asked her if the booze hound, Mr Cudahy, had ever tried to get wise with her but she said no, I still wouldn't have put it past that lousy bastard. I never did find out what was wrong. Some girls you never find out.
Then, I felt suddenly upset and returned to my room. I noticed that all of the pervert’s lights were off, but I was still awake. I decided to go and get a taxi and go to a different bar.

10. Phoebe, You Should Have Seen Her!

I got bored so i felt like giving Phoebe a buzz. But I couldn't because my folks would know it's me and that I was in New York, plus Phoebe would be in bed. You should've seen her. You never saw a kid prettier than her. Phoebe I mean. She’s so smart, she’s got sort of red hair and in the summer time she puts it behind her ears. I really wanted to shoot the bull with old Phoebe. The best bit is, if you tell her something she knows exactly what you mean. You can take her anywhere. She’s great. You’d like her if you met her.

I went in the Lavender room. It was pretty empty except from a few pimpy looking guys and some whorey looking blondes. I ordered a scotch and soda, but the waiter refused to serve me alcohol. So I just had a coke instead. I met these girls. There was three of them. I danced with all of them. Bernice. Boy, was she dopey, but she was a terrific dancer. I told her she oughta be a pro. But all through the dance she did'nt look at me. She was too busy wonderin when the next celebrity was going to fall through the door. The two ugly ones were called Marty and Laverne. Laverne wasn’t too bad, but let’s just say I would have rather died than have had to dance with Marty. She was terrible. Really terrible. I mean it.

9. I Was The Only Normal One In That Place!

As soon as I get off the train I went to a phone booth. I needed to speak to someone. There were a few people I planned on calling, I stood in that goddam phonebooth contemplating calling them, but I ended up not calling anyone. After coming out of the phonebooth, it took about 20 minutes untill I ended up walking over to get a cab. I can be so goddam absent minded sometimes, I gave the cab driver my usual address, you know out of habit and all. It took me a bit to realise and I finally asked him if he could turn round, he was a wise guy and told me how he couldn't turn round there. All of a sudden, something crossed my mind, so I asked the cab driver where the ducks go in the winter. He looked at me as though I was a madman and thought I was kidding him, the conversation was soon dropped. By the time we got to nineteenth where he could turn round I decided I didn't want to stay anywhere at the East Side incase I bumped into anyone I knew, so I went back downtown. I asked him to join me but he didn't, so with my red hunting hat on i got out of the cab. Of course I took it off before I checked in, I didn't want to look like a screwball or anything, which was ironic as the place was full of them!

I was given this really crumby room, it was very depressing, but the bellboy that showed me to it looked even more depressing! Oh god some of the views I saw through the windows. The hotel was full of perverts. For example there was this couple squirting water through each other out of their mouths. And this other guy got out loades of womans clothes, and put them on! I was propably the only normal bastard in the whole goddam place!
I was so bored that I decided to ring this prostitute. I got her number from some guy I hardly even knew! Anyway, I decided to ring her. I forgot what time it was. It was really late. She answered the phone and I could clearly tell I had woken her up. I gave her some crumby name and said I was a friend of that guy who give me the number. She said she was tired so she couldn't come tonight. She offered to go out for a drink the following night but I said I was leaving first thing. We said goodbye and I put the phone down.

I felt so lonely.

8. Rudolf Schmidt, That Killed Me!

It was too late to call up for a cab or anything, so I walked the whole way to the station. It wasn't that far, but it was cold as hell, and the snow made it hard for walking and my Gladstones kept banging the hell out of my legs. I enjoyed the fresh air though. It was very cold, especially on my lip where Stradlater smacked me, but my ears were nice and warm. The hat that I bought had earlaps on it. I didn't give a damn about how I looked because everyone was in bed anyway.

I usually enjoy riding on trains, especially at night time, when the lights are on, but the windows are black. And then you get those guys walking the train with trolleys with sandwiches and magazines on. I usually buy a ham sandwich and about four magazines. At night, on the train, I can usually read those dumb stories with people called David and Linda or Marcia, you know, those phoneys, and the women would always be lighting the goddam pipes for the Davids. I can usually read those ones at night on the train, but this time I couldnt, this time was different, I just didn't feel like it, all I did was take my hunting hat off and put it in my pocket.

All of a sudden, this lady got on at Trenton and sat down next to me, even though the entire car was empty because it was quite late, but instead of sitting in an empty seat, she sat next to me because she had this big bag with her and i was sitting in the front seat. She stuck that bag right out in the aisle where everybody that was going to walk could trip over it. She looked around forty, forty five, but damn did she look good. Women kill me, they really do.
All of a sudden we started talking about Pencey and I gave her a false name after she asked me about her son, Ernest Morrow, and so I shot the bull to her for a while, because im really good at lying to people I've never met before. I called myself Rudolf Schmidt. I was shooting the bull at her about how amazing and bright and popular Ernie was, but really, he was just an idiot, a bully. It killed me.

She got off at Newark. She wanted to see me again, me to visit Ernie, but I just told her I was having an operation on my brain, to remove a tumor, then I'd visit my grandmother in South America and stay with her for a while. That got her off by back.

7. Time To Go!

I went into Ackley’s room to see what he was up to and all. He wasn't awake, so I woke him up. It was dark so he sat up and switched the light on.

"What the hell happened to you?!"

"Nothing, I just got into a bit of a fight with Stradlater." He started to get excited then asking why and how. So, I started shooting the bull! I told him that it was because of himself and I was defending his goddamn honour and all. That really got him going. In end I asked if I could stay in his room while his roommate was away for the weekend. He said it wasn't up to him and that he couldn't just let anybody stay in his bed. So, I just made him feel guilty and all by saying how I stuck up for him. So, I got into bed and just as I was about to fall asleep he started snoring like hell. I decided to get up and started walking down the stairs. I was going to go pay Mal Brossard a visit but then I changed my mind. I knew exactly what I was going to do, I was going to get the hell out of here.

Leave Pencey a few days early. I was going to go for a short vacation in New York and get a room in a really inexpensive hotel. I went back to the room to pack a few things and all. Old Stradlater didn't even wake when I went back in. It made me kinda sad packing because I had to pack the ice skates my mother had given me. They were the wrong kind of skates I wanted anyway, but it made me sad anyway. It always does when someone gives me presents. Before I was ready to leave I counted my dough, I was pretty loaded because my grandmother had just sent me a load of wad. She's lost her marbles so she just sends me birthday money about four times a year.

I put on my red hunting hat and turned the peak to the back, just the way I liked it, then I shouted at the top of my goddamn voice “Sleep tight, you morons!” I bet I woke up every phoney on the floor!